New Beginnings...maybe

The last few weeks have been busy, no that is a lie. I've enjoyed netflix as a distraction from all the worry and unknowns in our lives. It has just felt mentally busy! I'm trying not to worry about our impending move and how long hubby and I will be apart. I know that God is in control and I just have to trust that He has a plan in all of this chaos.

I've started to track my cycle and am checking my temps and all that jazz and finally bought some ovulation predictor tests. I've been on the fence about when we should try again and now hubby and I are discussing trying early. There are a lot of consequences to that decision so I have been praying and really thinking about it. I don't want to jump the gun and end up with another molar pregnancy and I want to the Lord's timing for this. But it is also hard to be patient sometimes. Th reality is that we aren't getting any younger and if we want 2 living children, well then we better get moving. It's not that we are old but with military retirement (if they don't screw that up) hubby will be getting out in his late 30's or 40's (if he does some extra time). Plus if you keep waiting for the "perfect" time then we will both be old and no good by then. It is hard after a miscarriage to really know when the "right" time is. I feel like I am emotionally healed but it is all a matter of whether my body has actually healed from the partial molar and miscarriage. So right now I am facing the excitement of trying again and the fear of another miscarriage or a repeat molar. I can't really say that I am leaving it all up to the Lord's will if I'm using temping and obsessively peeing on tests to see when I get a line......

I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.