This is what negative feels like

So the last few nights I have been having weird dreams and emotional highs and lows. I started to get a little concerned because those are all things I had when I was pregnant. I went for my blood draw this morning and my hcg levels are now at 2. My doctor initially wanted me under 1 but the nurse said they decided that 2 is negative by most lab standards and they were okay with it. I now go to monthlies and then hopefully we be cleared to ttc in a few months. This has been such an emotional journey. I've done my best to keep things in and get out my frustration at the box instead of turning to these: http://thelaughinggiraffe.com/. Crack in a bag, seriously.

I've decided there are a lot of things out of my control, including ttc (trying to conceive) and so I'm just going to focus on living. I'm enjoying CrossFit right now and all the improvements I've been making. I can finally do kipping pull ups and am feeling stronger in a lot of my lifts. I'm just going to eat well, train hard, and live life fully.

Included in living was cleaning my house. I have been so down and out lately that besides CF all I do is watch netflix and veg most of the day. I finally got off my rear and cleaned my house (well the downstairs- gotta save something for Friday :) . I'm sure my hubby will be thankful that the house is mostly clean and his wife is showered and dressed. Now dinner, that I can't promise. I got ahead of myself this morning and ran when I should have given my feet a few more days/weeks to heal. They are not happy with me at all. I should clarify that ran means only 2, 400 Meter runs. Now they ache and it hurts to be on them at all.

I think I might have to go get some of the crack in a bag balls and celebrate with the hubby tonight. We, well I, am finally negative and getting back on track to being able to ttc and that is something to celebrate. After 14 weeks I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel....

So my mind has been running non-stop lately, to the point I couldn't sleep last night or even relax today during acupuncture. I've been a little bothered the last few days because I have been having a tough time with the loss of our baby, the molar issue, and just everything. It pains me that miscarriage is such a taboo topic and nobody wants to talk about it. Sure it isn't rainbows and unicorns but is life ever? It hurts when people think that you should just get over it and that it is silly to grieve for such a short life. My baby, Lael Grace may have only survived for 8 weeks and 1 day but that doesn't change the love that I had for her (gut instinct, if not, in heaven my son might be really confused with me) and it doesn't change the fact that it was a life that was lost. So I have decided to write a WOD (workout of the day) for October 15 in support of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. This WOD is for all babies gone too soon. I also decided to write one for our Lael Grace that I will do on May 12, which is the day we found out that we lost her.

Angel Baby WOD
Power Cleans & Burpee Ladder
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
So you do 10 power cleans and 10 burpees, then 9, 8, 7 etc, and then all the way down to 1.

Lael Grace Remembrance WOD
57 Power Snatches for time
Baby Lael lived for about 8 weeks and 1 day so I just figured about 57 days, so 57 reps.