It has been a while since I last checked in here and not a whole lot has changed. I made it past the 1 month and 2 month anniversary since we lost our baby and most days are somewhat back to normal. My hcg is at 6 which is still not negative. According to my doctor and their lab, I have to get to 1 or below to be considered negative. This has been such a long journey and the biggest lesson I have learned is that I have to let things go because I don't have control over anything. I'm still working on this one.....
As I was thinking of all the trinkets and breakables that I need to start packing for our move I thought about a certain precious moments figurine that is like a mix between the awkward situation and a sign of hope. When my hubby and I first decided to start ttc all those years ago he bought me a figurine of woman with a baby bump and a baby name book on her lap. Well fast forward almost 6 years later and still no baby. I joked with him after we got our bfp that it finally fit our story now but I guess I spoke too soon.
There are some days when I am reminded of things and it is really painful. Like realizing that I would be 20 weeks and finding out the sex of our baby. That I would be having a beautiful Christmas blessing. Instead I feel empty and barren and our lives feel like chaos right now. I don't know where I will be living in a month or if my hubby will be with me or in another state.
Such is life I guess and the lesson I need to learn..... control.
